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This Body
This body is old. This body is ugly. This body is slow, weak, cumbersome. It gets in my way and pisses me off. It trips me when I’m tired and gets sticky when I sweat. It has rolls and wrinkles, and cellulite dimples. It has jiggly thighs and arms that aren’t half as strong as I want them to be. I sit immobile at a desk all day and complain when my body gets sore. I work out and dance and stretch and move and push it to the limits. I punish it because I want my body to know how wrong, how bad, how unruly it is. And it…
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Shoulding is Shitty
You should work out. You should write every day. You should eat less. You should eat less but more often. You should meditate. You must do NaNoWriMo every year. You should write what you know. You shouldn’t write erotica. You should do yoga everyday. We all have goals. We all have a deep abiding purpose that fills us with passion to do something more, be something more, or create something amazing to share with those we love (and perhaps the world). We want to write, flow, stream words across the page, but we’re not exactly sure how to become that PERFECT WRITER in our mind. The media, the magazines, and…
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Insecurity isn’t always a B*tch: Me & My Meep!
It happens to all of us eventually. You’re chugging along, working towards your dreams and life offers you an opportunity to do exactly what you were hoping for: Try out a really difficult trick, expand your skills at an advanced workshop, perform for an audience. At first, you’re excited, practically breathless with anticipation, but then you feel something swirling deep in your belly. The feeling intensifies, it’s painful, gurgling, unhappy. Your heartbeat picks up and you feel fearful for no recognizable reason. You want to run away from your pole and hide. You might even start to cry. Suddenly you consider the possibility that you could actually suck at this. …
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Sometimes It’s Not Beautiful
Sometimes it’s not beautiful… Because it’s new and you’re learning. Because it’s old and you haven’t done it in a while. Because you’re tired and feeling clumsy. Because you’ve forgotten the steps. Because your muscles feel tight and your mind feels sluggish and your soul just doesn’t have the same passion as yesterday. Sometimes it’s not beautiful… But YOU still are. Sometimes you need the world to recede. You need to hide from it because it’s simply too much to bear for one moment longer. And your practice slows down. You stop dancing so hard, so fast, so strong. You stop stretching to your maximum potential. You stop meditating everyday.…
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Not Giving in to Not Good Enough
I love girls on chairs almost as much as I love girls on poles. There’s something seriously powerful about watching one of your best friends giving your other best friend a lapdance, just because she can. In that moment, nobody is worrying about how big or small her ass should be. Or how her legs compare to [insert championship pole dancer here]. We’re all just enjoying the absolutely carefree playful spirit permeating the room. We shout dirty jokes as the lapdancer pops her booty in the receivers face until one of them has to “tap out” because she is laughing too damn hard. (NOTE – no pole dancers were harmed…
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Going to Therapy and up Chucking the rules
I was reading an article from my sweet friend Poleskivvies about how posting videos to Youtube has made her suddenly body conscious and feeling the need for therapy. And I felt compelled to plunk my big ass down on the therapy couch right next to her. Jennifer says… “God, how I hate telling you this. Why? Because it’s a body image thing. And I’m supposed to be over that. I’m supposed to be all confident in how I look and never have a weak moment about it. Yea, right.” Now, you all know how much I love my ass. I talk about it all the time. How it used to…
