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Where Do You Belong?
I’m having one of those weeks where my I-DONT-BELONG monster is running around pointing out all the places that I don’t fit in. Places where I used to fit in. Places where I never fit in. Places I have no hope of fitting in. Places where I don’t even want to fit in, but wish I felt like the people who do fit in. Places where other people might think I fit in, but I actually don’t. Places where I fit in, but only if I’m huddled up in a ball, waving my arms around like antenna, and paint my face with red and yellow polka dots. Places where I…
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An Appointment with Pleasure
Every day I set an alarm at 2:30pm. I stop whatever I’m doing and give myself 5 minutes of being, of breathing, of experiencing the treasure of living in a body that’s alive with sensation. I give myself a reminder to take a moment each day for the pure pleasure of living. A reminder to have compassion for my body’s needs, wishes, and dreams. A reminder that I can enjoy pleasure without strings attached. Pleasure without bondage or walls or electrified fences. Pleasure outside of the box society tries to shove me into. I set aside 5 minutes of every day to remind myself that I am more than what…
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Insecurity isn’t always a B*tch: Me & My Meep!
It happens to all of us eventually. You’re chugging along, working towards your dreams and life offers you an opportunity to do exactly what you were hoping for: Try out a really difficult trick, expand your skills at an advanced workshop, perform for an audience. At first, you’re excited, practically breathless with anticipation, but then you feel something swirling deep in your belly. The feeling intensifies, it’s painful, gurgling, unhappy. Your heartbeat picks up and you feel fearful for no recognizable reason. You want to run away from your pole and hide. You might even start to cry. Suddenly you consider the possibility that you could actually suck at this. …
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Sometimes It’s Not Beautiful
Sometimes it’s not beautiful… Because it’s new and you’re learning. Because it’s old and you haven’t done it in a while. Because you’re tired and feeling clumsy. Because you’ve forgotten the steps. Because your muscles feel tight and your mind feels sluggish and your soul just doesn’t have the same passion as yesterday. Sometimes it’s not beautiful… But YOU still are. Sometimes you need the world to recede. You need to hide from it because it’s simply too much to bear for one moment longer. And your practice slows down. You stop dancing so hard, so fast, so strong. You stop stretching to your maximum potential. You stop meditating everyday.…
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Not Giving in to Not Good Enough
I love girls on chairs almost as much as I love girls on poles. There’s something seriously powerful about watching one of your best friends giving your other best friend a lapdance, just because she can. In that moment, nobody is worrying about how big or small her ass should be. Or how her legs compare to [insert championship pole dancer here]. We’re all just enjoying the absolutely carefree playful spirit permeating the room. We shout dirty jokes as the lapdancer pops her booty in the receivers face until one of them has to “tap out” because she is laughing too damn hard. (NOTE – no pole dancers were harmed…
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Why I Dance (Almost) Naked
Once upon a time… …there was a beautiful and vivacious woman, although she didn’t usually think so, who was diligently folding the laundry. It was late, the house was fairly quiet and she was enjoying the time alone, even if she was stuck doing a few domestic chores. As she slid her fingers across a soft silk bra, one of her favorite songs began to play on the radio. The deep and luscious beat was hypnotic, seeming to beg her hips to move. She looked around, smiling at the guilty thoughts playing across her mind, and gave in to the music. Slowly, slowly, allowing her hips to shift and tilt,…
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For The Love of Socks
Let’s talk about sex [socks], baby Let’s talk about you and me Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. ~Salt’n’Peppa Striped or Polka Dotted, Thigh High or Anklets, Cotton or Silk; socks are one of my favorite tools of sensual exploration. And if that sounds dirty, then you’re definitely in the right state of mind. Cold toes suck! Back when I first started pole dancing, I learned my beginner moves barefoot, and I absolutely hated it. I missed my comfy tennis shoes, I missed my ankle support, and I really missed my oh-so-warm socks. Later, after I’d learned how to climb and float…
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Please, Be A Tease
Last night, I put on my thigh high zebra socks, a teeny tiny skirt and matching triangle bikini top. I slid and dragged, lifted and popped, circled and shook — until the air shimmered with my warm breath. The room was dark, tinged with red. The music was heavy, beating with the rhythm of the earth and my heart. The pole was shiny and glorious, as it should be. The rest of the world fell away. No more worries. No more bills. No more work. No more drama or bullshit. Just me and the heat of the moment. The where, the when, the how, and especially the why — don’t…
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Pole Cliques Suck Red Scrunchies!
I’ve spent the last 6 months in a partial Pole coma. I pulled back from the glittering visions of pole performance after pole performance. I stopped going to conferences and competitions. I stopped watching hours of pole dancing on youtube. I stopped paying attention to who was opening up which studio where. I also almost stopped teaching completely, although a couple of my die hard students refused to let me go. (Thanks ladies, you know who you are) All because I didn’t want to deal with the intense drama anymore. I have felt so blessed to see the awesome art of pole dance grow and blossom from a fire…
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Going to Therapy and up Chucking the rules
I was reading an article from my sweet friend Poleskivvies about how posting videos to Youtube has made her suddenly body conscious and feeling the need for therapy. And I felt compelled to plunk my big ass down on the therapy couch right next to her. Jennifer says… “God, how I hate telling you this. Why? Because it’s a body image thing. And I’m supposed to be over that. I’m supposed to be all confident in how I look and never have a weak moment about it. Yea, right.” Now, you all know how much I love my ass. I talk about it all the time. How it used to…
