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Where Do You Belong?
I’m having one of those weeks where my I-DONT-BELONG monster is running around pointing out all the places that I don’t fit in. Places where I used to fit in. Places where I never fit in. Places I have no hope of fitting in. Places where I don’t even want to fit in, but wish I felt like the people who do fit in. Places where other people might think I fit in, but I actually don’t. Places where I fit in, but only if I’m huddled up in a ball, waving my arms around like antenna, and paint my face with red and yellow polka dots. Places where I…
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This Body
This body is old. This body is ugly. This body is slow, weak, cumbersome. It gets in my way and pisses me off. It trips me when I’m tired and gets sticky when I sweat. It has rolls and wrinkles, and cellulite dimples. It has jiggly thighs and arms that aren’t half as strong as I want them to be. I sit immobile at a desk all day and complain when my body gets sore. I work out and dance and stretch and move and push it to the limits. I punish it because I want my body to know how wrong, how bad, how unruly it is. And it…
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An Appointment with Pleasure
Every day I set an alarm at 2:30pm. I stop whatever I’m doing and give myself 5 minutes of being, of breathing, of experiencing the treasure of living in a body that’s alive with sensation. I give myself a reminder to take a moment each day for the pure pleasure of living. A reminder to have compassion for my body’s needs, wishes, and dreams. A reminder that I can enjoy pleasure without strings attached. Pleasure without bondage or walls or electrified fences. Pleasure outside of the box society tries to shove me into. I set aside 5 minutes of every day to remind myself that I am more than what…
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Shoulding is Shitty
You should work out. You should write every day. You should eat less. You should eat less but more often. You should meditate. You must do NaNoWriMo every year. You should write what you know. You shouldn’t write erotica. You should do yoga everyday. We all have goals. We all have a deep abiding purpose that fills us with passion to do something more, be something more, or create something amazing to share with those we love (and perhaps the world). We want to write, flow, stream words across the page, but we’re not exactly sure how to become that PERFECT WRITER in our mind. The media, the magazines, and…
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The Rosy Path
I once walked along a path of roses. The forgotten remnants of a wedding long since past. And I remembered to say my own vows. A vow to honor and cherish and love this life. A vow to walk and breathe and live through sickness and health. A vow to experience the world in all it’s glory until death made us part. I married my own joy that day… without a dress, without a witness, without a minister. At the end of the path, a lake was quiet in the evening sun. No one cheered for my choices or made promises back. But, in the mirrored surface of the water,…
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Insecurity isn’t always a B*tch: Me & My Meep!
It happens to all of us eventually. You’re chugging along, working towards your dreams and life offers you an opportunity to do exactly what you were hoping for: Try out a really difficult trick, expand your skills at an advanced workshop, perform for an audience. At first, you’re excited, practically breathless with anticipation, but then you feel something swirling deep in your belly. The feeling intensifies, it’s painful, gurgling, unhappy. Your heartbeat picks up and you feel fearful for no recognizable reason. You want to run away from your pole and hide. You might even start to cry. Suddenly you consider the possibility that you could actually suck at this. …
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Fear the Road, Not the Dreams
[Day 25 of 30]: I’m still writing. I almost can’t believe it. It’s a struggle to sit down, find a prompt, and fill a page with words. I usually hate the words, but appreciate the stolen moments with my MUSE. And I’ve learned something. Nobody sees the world the same way as me. Not really a huge epiphany at first blush. But what it means (at least to me) is that there is a point to all this scribbling and typing. There’s a point to suffering through broken thoughts and story ideas that I can barely get on paper. Every day I get better at describing the way I see…
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A Cup Of Restraint
[Day 24 of 30]: I’m taking a little break, not from writing all together, but from short stories, vignette scenes, and fiction. Sometimes the MUSE has something deeper to say in fewer words. Sometimes I’m lazy. I’m not sure which category this poem falls under, but somehow I think it’s both. PS – I did figure out exactly what I want to do with my Shattered Souls story. And I’m doing a lot mor planning this weekend then I’ve ever done on a novel before. I can’t wait to see what my MUSE is going to show me next. Yippee! Writer’s Prompt: Create a story, poem, or any other piece…
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A Writer, a Translator, and a Wookie Walk into a Bar
[Day 22 of 30]: It’s not the writing that scares me today. It’s the exposure. Of who I am and what I think. I’m afraid people will read what I write and judge me….Because it’s true. But more than feeling not good enough (because I’ve been working on that in one guise or another all my life), I think I feel scared to be the creator of conflict that wasn’t there before. I have spent a large part of my life trying to not be the source of conflict. And yet, here I am, writing — a task which I wholeheartedly believe requires a deep understanding of conflict. Writers create…
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Talk To The Block
[Day 8 of 30]: It seems that I’m having some serious difficulties with Writer’s Block today. So I decided to take the advice of the awesome Pirate Queen Havi and imagine myself talking to my Writer’s Block. Maybe it can tell me why I’ve been procrastinating all day today and torturing myself with my lack of quality writing output. By talking to my Writer’s Block and asking it (meaning my subconscious mind) for help, I might actually learn a few things about what’s going on in my cluttered writers brain. Havi calls it getting Hot Buttered Epiphanies, so bring on the popcorn. So for today’s writing prompt, I used a…
