Pole Cliques Suck Red Scrunchies!
I’ve spent the last 6 months in a partial Pole coma. I pulled back from the glittering visions of pole performance after pole performance. I stopped going to conferences and competitions. I stopped watching hours of pole dancing on youtube. I stopped paying attention to who was opening up which studio where. I also almost stopped teaching completely, although a couple of my die hard students refused to let me go. (Thanks ladies, you know who you are) All because I didn’t want to deal with the intense drama anymore.
I have felt so blessed to see the awesome art of pole dance grow and blossom from a fire in a few woman’s beautiful bellies into a fabulous movement…. but when it transformed into an exercise industry, I felt a little betrayed. As if the love and attention I’d showered on it was being thrown away. I watched, with fear, as pole dancing moved from a shared experience between friends into hidden pockets of sometimes vicious fights between jealous cliques. Cliques I didn’t want any part of but couldn’t seem to ignore. (I’ve never been much of a joiner).
You already know that I wholeheartedly believe and encourage the different styles of pole dancing. I’ve got my own opinions about teaching methods, pole dance, pole fitness, exotic dance, and being a woman in general. Obviously I’ve voiced some of these ( Pol’ympics, Pole Dance vs Pole Tricks, Why The Other Side is a Pain in My Ass). But it makes me very angry when I see individuals or groups acting as if they invented everything related to pole and that their way is the only way. As if pole dancing doesn’t have a rich and awesome history from every walk of life.
Can we really deny that the pole dancing we all enjoy today came from belly dancing, yoga, circus and most importantly stripping? Yes, I said the dreaded S word– STRIPPING. You know, where women take their clothes off in a sensual manner for money. Are we really so frightened of our own vagina that we have to pretend pole dancing doesn’t have a sexual undertone? Are we really going to pretend that a shiny metal pole doesn’t remind anybody of a man’s tallywhacker? Not even a little bit?
I’m not saying you HAVE to dance sexually. I’m not saying that you HAVE to take off your clothes either. I’m saying that we need to stop undervaluing an entire part of our collective woman’s history, and celebrate the beautiful pole dancing art form that came from it. We don’t have to belittle our sensuality and our sex to bring pole dancing into the mainstream world.
Secondly, do we really believe that only one person discovered all the varied and beautiful tricks that we perform with our shiny poles, and hence only one person should get to name that trick for the rest of us? (I understand having a common language, but it doesn’t mean this name is THE ONLY NAME) Can we honestly say that there is only one way to perform or teach a trick? Should every woman ignore the length of her arms & legs, avoid the gracious curve of her hips, or beat herself up over the size of her thighs & booty? Does every woman really have to torture herself to get into the trick of the week instead of finding the movement, transitions, and tricks that complement her body and her style?
As a teacher, this one seriously pisses me off. Personally, I believe that there are many performance level tricks that should never be taught in a regular pole studio group class environment. They are too dangerous and too damaging to the body unless the student’s aspirations are to compete and perform at a professional level. But ignoring that, I believe it is critical that students understand that every woman’s body is different. Some of us have large hips, some of us have large breasts, some of us have small feet and short legs. Physically (and by that I mean the Laws Of Physics), this changes the way we have to balance our body and grip the pole.
We shouldn’t belittle or demean ourselves if we can’t do a specific trick exactly like HER (meaning whichever phenomenal pole performer you are watching at the moment). We should celebrate it. Instead, try to be playful and joyful as you experiment with the different ways your body can move. I love helping a student tweak a trick until it clicks, and she finally finds a way that works for her. It’s as if her body heaves a sigh of relief and her entire movement changes from challenged to blissful. Don’t force yourself into the “Perfect Trick” (a statistically impossible falsehood) and deny the experience of your body in luscious movement and harmony.
Grow beyond your own boundaries and expand your strength and skills, but do it your way. Don’t let the cliques or drama queens of pole, force you to betray your own bliss, your honest and authentic sensuality as a woman and as a pole dancer. Let them know you’re not buying their Bullshit anymore.
Don’t wear the red scrunchie! Don’t drink the drano!
Your body is the temple where your soul abides. Use pole dancing to express your authentic sensuality as a woman, to cherish your inherent individuality while being exactly who you are right now, to move and be and live as your true heart desires. And you can bet, we’ll all be there, cheering you on!
Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!
17 Comments
leendadll
Thanks for helping me figure out what’s been missing from all the shows I’ve seen lately… why every routine looks like every routine, which looks like every other routine…. NO ONE STRIPS ANYMORE!! I want more costumes and removal and tease again!!
Yannori
You know I love THE TEASE! Let’s revive it!
jayjay
AMEN and thank you. As a woman over 50 who discovered pole about a year ago, I am in a place where some of the beautiful things I see people do in pole dancing will just never happen for me. I try to focus instead on things I CAN do, and what I can make of poling for myself. I am so happy to read that somebody else thinks it’s ok. Thank you !
Yannori
JayJay – I think it’s awesome that you pay attention to your body and exactly what she needs to feel sexy and safe. Because we all want to be able to do what you do — enjoy life to the fullest through all our senses! 🙂 Thanks.
Noelle
Thank you so much for this! I love BOTH aspects of pole and let people evolve in their own style. I also am refusing to get down on myself as a 39 year old for modifying certain moves and avoiding many others. I do what I can, love the zen feeling of moves made for MY body and wish everyone would just celebrate that.
Yannori
I celebrate it here Noelle, and I’m so glad to be able to experience joy while learning to find just the right modification to make a trick work for my body. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Claire Griffin Sterrett
Love. That’s all I have to say. Love and Amen. For me this movement is about discovering what feels good, not doing what looks good. I like the stripping and the sexiness and the sensuality and the body connection and aliveness. I have tried doing the jade splits. It fucking hurt. And that’s really not fun or interesting to me. It’s fine if someone else gets something different out of it than I do. But I’m not in it for the competition and to achieve goals. There is enough of that kind of masculine energy in the world. I’m in it for the chaotic, the messy, the emotional, the sensual, the feminine.
Yannori
Claire said:
“I’m in it for the chaotic, the messy, the emotional, the sensual, the feminine.”
I’ll say AMEN to that too! Love your blog, btw!
Lisa T
Yannori, all I can say is thank you. Thank you for your beauty, thank you for your energy, and thank you for your perspective. As an instructor myself this is the very essence of what we teach at our studio and the beauty of movement in all women. I don’t want to “pole” in a world where all movement looks and feels the same. Embrace the shades and color and variation and texture of this art and watch how your life becomes enriched. I have had the pleasure of watching your beauty on youtube for a while and enjoy your articles so much I share them every chance I get. Keep rockin’ the pole girl with that gorgeous booty!!!
Yannori
Thank you Lisa. I’m so happy to hear that other instructors are holding on to that sensual, creative, fire and teaching it to their students.
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Trixie
You never cease to amaze me. You take those thoughts and feelings out of my head and put them into words. Thank you!!
Yannori
Thanks Trixie! I really appreciate that. I’m glad there are so many pole dancers out there who share my feelings!
MrsNaughtywed
When I first joined the pole community in Southern Ontario, I thought… ‘okay a bunch of women wearing hardly anything sharing pole fitness tricks together… this has got to be a catty event’. But it wasn’t. To my surprise none of that existed in the pole jams I attended. Everyone was so supporting and welcoming. However, the pole jams in Ontario are quite new and as the community grows and pole dancing gains more popularity, I can totally see this happening some day. I think that’s just the way most women are by nature. We police each other because we are so insecure of ourselves. I can’t handle cliquey women and I hope that I never take part in that. BTW, I love your blog. You really have a way for expressing things with passion. <3
StarrGrrrl
Dude. Yeah. That’s all I can say. I agree.
Paul Reinig
I love to watch women pole dancing. It’s very erotic, which is a natural part of being human. Thank you for allowing yourself to be sensual. It is a beautiful thing when people allow their real selves to be seen. Love to you.
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