Pole Confessions
I have a confession to make… the reason I haven’t posted here for months (YIKES!) is because I finally gave up on trying to resolve the conflict I felt (and still feel to be totally honest) about the direction the pole dancing industry has taken. I regularly feel alone, as if I’m the only pole dancer in the world that actually wants to watch and experience the true sensual nature of this glorious movement. And I have to confess that I gave up.
I quit.
I simply couldn’t take feeling like I was slowly being left behind by the art form that had changed my life so much.
And by quit, I mean quit. I canceled all my pole dancing and booty popping workshops and let go of all my private students except a few die hards. I even tried to give up pole dancing completely. I took down my pole at home and sold two of my extra poles. I became a gym rat and an extreme yogini. I even considered going into yoga teacher training. But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to shake the need for sensual dance. I started developing new sensual pelvic, hip, and arm movements (much to the chagrin and possible pleasure of other gym goers). I started playing with the more tantric aspects of yoga (at home, because these can get pretty naughty :). I started looking with longing at the space where my pole used to be.
I realized I had to come back to sensual dance.
I had to come back to pole dance. I had to accept the fact that even if I was the only woman in the world who felt the joy of sensual movement, I still needed it in my life. So I put my damn pole back up and danced, soared, twirled, and flipped until I remembered why I came to pole dancing in the first place….
I wanted to feel sexy, I wanted to feel like a woman, and now I do again.
Intellectually, I know I’m not alone.
I still have some wonderful pole buddies, as well as my phenomenal pole students. (some of whom, I am supremely proud to say, have gone on to be phenomenal pole instructors! woohoo!)
But when I look around at all the pole studios this art has helped create, I see so many of them ignoring the sensual dance aspects, deliberately! Meaning, they actively look for ways to eliminate the sexual aspect of pole dancing. They “cleanse” the sensuality from their own movements just so they can appeal to a larger part of the population.
And yes, I get it. Pole Studios have to make money to survive. The more students you can get in the doors, the more likely you are to keep those doors open for business. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give those students the OPTION to experience their own sensuality through dance. Just because most people like vanilla ice cream doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be given other choices like chocolate, or tin roof sundae, or even rainbow sherbet.
I know that some of the senior instructors at many studios were once strippers themselves, or trained by strippers, or friends with strippers. They know how much fun it is to dance playfully, charged with the sexual power of their own bodies. Once you’ve experienced that, how can you ignore it? How can you marginalize it? How can you pretend that it doesn’t exist? It’s like discovering how awesome an orgasm feels and then someone tells you sex is dirty, so you don’t ever have sex again. Seriously, that’s fucked up!
Is the truth so difficult to bear?
I am not saying that pole fitness is wrong and sensual pole dancing is right. That’s like saying gymnastics is wrong and Cirque Du Soleil is right. They are all legitimate, all beautiful, and all amazing.
I am saying that pushing your sensuality aside, ignoring the sexual aspects of pole dancing, or pretending that the whole pole industry didn’t start because a bunch of woman asked a bunch of strippers, “How the hell do you do that sexy upside-down shit on the pole?” is stupid. And it really hurts my feelings.
So here’s what I want, no let me rephrase that, here’s what I’m doing….
I’m going to keep trying to talk about this. I’m going to keep trying to post my feelings about this. I’m going to keep bringing up sensuality, sexuality, body acceptance, celebrating your cookie, and being the honest sexy woman that you already are. (I’m even going to throw in the obvious phallic nature of a metal pole just for kicks).
But, I’m asking for something in return.
I’m asking for your help. Because I need to know if anybody else in the world gives a shit about feeling sexy. Do you want to feel sexy? Do you want to experience the world sensually, in a way that makes all your senses tingle with excitement and anticipation? Do you want to be able to accept yourself and your life exactly as it is and learn to change it by playing with it? Or do you want something else entirely?
What you want from pole dancing is really what you want from life, and I’m dying to find out if what I have to say can help you…
Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!
58 Comments
Moira
You are not alone. I am currently taking some pole classes that have taken the sensuality out of poling…I very much miss my old studio. At my old studio we took time to get in touch with ourselves and an underutilized (for me, anyway) part of what makes us women.
Yannori
Moira – your comment made me wonder, what would happen if we (students and teachers) started asking for sensual pole dancing to come back. What if we started asking studio owners for classes that helped us express our sexuality? Thank you for sharing your view with me.
Notthelastgirl
Uh oh….. Does that mean retirement is over?
Yannori
it’s entirely possible 😉 but not without a lot of transformational work xoxo
Lori Myers
I wrote a blog about this very subject! 🙂
http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/02/stripping-vs-pole-fitness.html
Long story short, I want BOTH! Sexy stuff and fitness. 🙂
Yannori
Lori – that’s awesome. Maybe if we keep blogging about this, speaking about it openly, maybe we’ll start to carve out a special space for woman like us that do want to explore dance in a way that celebrates our sensuality, our sexuality, and those even those sexy stripper roots. 🙂
Crystal
You know how I feel, and it is exactly like you. I love that there is a safe space where you can explore sensual dance. But, it doesn’t upset me when others aren’t interested in that aspect. In a masculine world, people have come to fear the power of the feminine side, including women themselves. We aren’t supposed to do much of anything that comes naturally anymore, including give birth, the most natural thing out there. But, for those who care, who want that expression, who are open to exploring all of those emotions that go with letting themselves truly feel their own sensuality through dance, I want to be there for them, just like you were there for me. Thank you, as always, for expressing yourself. I think those who want what we have to share will find their way to us. But, in the end, we have to be true to ourselves and find our own peace, joy and sensuality. I’m glad you have come back into yours. You deserve it, sexy!
Yannori
Crystal, it makes me so happy to know you are out there teaching in the world. And not just pole dancing, but everything you’ve learned. I think perhaps you are a dula already, and are truly helping woman begin life anew. Thank you!
Lisa Faulkner
Yay!! I’m thrilled see you writing again here about “sensuality, sexuality, body acceptance, celebrating your cookie, and being the honest sexy woman that you already are.”
Personally, I don’t care about pole dancing that isn’t sensual. I still take weekly S Factor classes because they plug me in to my sensuality and sexuality and help me integrate my sensuality and sexuality fully into my life. I’ve explored hula and burlesque to to explore different aspects of my feminine sexuality too.
I most definitely “want to experience the world in a way that makes all my senses tingle with excitement.” If fact I had a spontaneous walk among the redwoods like that a few months ago and am curious to see if I can consciously make it happen again! I’ll have to report on what happens in a future blog post of my own.
I love that you are back!
hugs,
Lisa
Yannori
Hugs back Lisa. It so comforting to know that other woman realize that taking a walk can be just as sensual as sliding around a pole. There is something about moving through the world, experiencing as much as we can, that makes my senses tingle. Today the redwoods, maybe tomorrow the world. Cheers to you for living sexy!
Lisa Faulkner
Your question and my comment inspired my blog today: http://poledancingprofessor.com/2011/02/tactile-walk-in-redwood-regional-park/
I hope it inspires you and your readers to take a sensual walk or shower or have a sensual meal.
Audra
I know from experience that that sort of walk can be duplicated. All it takes is opening your senses to the experience. *smile* I’m so glad I’m not the only one out there who does things like that. This may inspire a blog post of my own, lol.
Gina
So glad to hear from you again. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog/articles/rants… LOVE, LOVE, LOVE….and thank God you put your pole back up! This is a gift we have been given… I love sharing what this ARTform does for me as a person/woman. Not denying where it came from… Thank God someone discovered its beauty and has shared this piece of heaven with us!
Yannori
That’s the truth Gina. This is an ART and that’s how we know that it shouldn’t be censored. The more we explore pole dancing, the more we explore who we really are! And Heaven is what this ART form is. 🙂
Kristi
My teacher linked us this article. I read it, and it amazed me. I’m not very good yet; I’m an utter novice to pole and working out in general. My once-a-week class is my only form of working out right now. But what really drew me to pole was the sensual nature of it. It makes it fun, it’s amazing to feel sexy, and that’s something that I’m really, really looking forward to getting down. Right now, I make hip squares instead of circles, but I love how beautiful these women look when they dance and that’s what I’m aspiring to be. So, I just want to say that I 100% agree that sensuality is part of the damn artform. It’s what attracted me to the workout, and that’s what makes it so freakin’ fun. =D
Yannori
Dear Kristi – any movement your hips make, whether they be circles, squares, or triangles is still a perfect expression of your authentic sensuality. Because only the hips are truly capable of making every single geometric, or chaotic movement that your female brain can think up. Thank you for loving this “damn artform” exactly as you are. 🙂
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Maria
Glad to hear from you again. I always love your insights. For me pole is in large part about the sensual. As is life in general anymore since pole came into it. I never feel as beautiful and powerful and sensual as when I put on a favorite song and let the music carry me on wave of sexy on the pole, floor, wall and chair.
Yannori
Thank you Maria. To me, the pole, chair, wall, etc is just a prop that helps me experience my true sensual self every time I dance. I’m so glad to know so many woman share my feelings.
StarrGrrrl
You are not alone. Continue to interpret your own style of dance how you wish…. how you feel. That’s the beauty of it, it’s open to interpretation by the body/soul of the artist. I’m right there with ya sister… on the sexy side =)
Yannori
StarrGrrl, as one of the woman that inspire me to dance, I truly appreciate being with you “on the sexy side” of this art form. Thank you for being a pioneer and a damn good pole dancer!
shaner
hihi, it’s so great to hear from you. I am a chinese and i live in hong kong.
I am totally with you, pole dance should be about sensuality and feeling womanly and sexy. Just ignore wht the majority, I am sure there are lots of people has similiar view as you do. At least I am one of them~~~
with support
shaner
Yannori
Wow! You’re my first reader from Hong Kong. 🙂 Thank you for all your support Shaner. I’m so glad to know that the sensual art form of pole dancing has supporters from all over the world.
leendadll
Well, you should know by now (even though I didn’t show it in front of you) that I’m ALL about the naughty. Pole without sensuality is BORING… in my opinion. I can learn tricks anywhere… classes, online, dvds… but learning to express my sensuality is only available at a few studios – and that’s why I will choose those when I go back to pole dance!
Yannori
Leenda, you’ve certainly got the NAUGHTY down pat. I’ve seen you dance some seriously sexy booty and I’m so amazed at how you are transforming yourself everyday. Let me know when you are back in the pole studio, because I’d love to dance a few songs as your backup! 🙂
Martyna
I was just wondering the other day when Yannori will post another pole video and as I was reading your post I got my answers.
To me pole is an erotic art form. I personally find it funny when done in any other way although I admit it takes skill.
I stopped going to classes as well and sold my pole. Because I had no direction and I needed guidance and there was none available at all the studios I went too.
Then I realized that sensual dancing needs to be in my life it’s just it does not to have be pole dance. As long as my hips were the central point of my dance I was OK with it and found hoop dance to be my major crush.
To that day I adore sensual pole dance and it’s the only style of it I can watch and feel mesmerized by it, inspired to the core.
Hugs
P.S Would love to see a new vid of yours 🙂 meow
Yannori
Martyna – I love that you’ve found your own way to sensual dance. I absolutely love to see a hoop dancer that understands how to undulate with sensual feminine power. And I totally agree with you; as woman, once we find the erotic art form that speaks to us, it becomes almost impossible to let it go. I’m so glad you found yours!
Claire Griffin Sterrett
The sensuality of the dance is the most essential piece of it to me. It’s what makes it so healing. What makes it so powerful. My life, my body and my heart have all changed because of this practice. Stripping this movement of its sensuality, to me, changes it entirely. It’s no longer a dance, charged with emotion, and meaning and juice. It’s a gymnastics performance. Which isn’t…me,
Yannori
Exactly Claire. I really need the “juice” of sensuality to keep bringing me back to my dance practice. To me, the pole is just a prop, just like a weight bench. (although with a bit more obvious sexual meaning) To “cleanse” the dance of sensual expression takes the fun out of it for me too.
Jennifer
The sensual aspects of belly dance are what led me to become a dancer in the first place and I absolutely love them in pole. But, due to injuries (my feet think they should be living life resting gently on embroidered pillows instead of dancing), I’m finding dancing getting more painful than fun, which is causing me to focus lately more on the fitness side of things. If my feet get better, that would disappear quickly.
Yannori
Jennifer – I love that it’s the aspect of sensual dance that led you from Belly dance to Pole dancing. And I really appreciate the sexy spirit you bring to your dancing. BTW, I’ve been thinking a lot about your feet lately (um, that sounds wrong) and I’m sure we can find some playful and sensual options for you.
Maria (pipa)
Wow, for a moment you scared me: you, not dancing anymore?!? I was anxiously wainting (for months) for your next blog! You quit? Nooooooooooo! But then I continued reading… and breathed again. Oouuf!!
So, about the sensual dance, I must say I agree with you in everything!! I was attending a pole academy, and somehow I missed something… then I figured it out: I was only learning the pole tricks! Dancing: nada!! So, I quit that school and prepared myself for a long journey learning by myself, at home, with online lessons and YT. Fortunately, I found a great teacher, a former gymnast, and she is great teaching us to dance sexy and sultry. There’s only four of us, compared to 12 in each class of the other academy, but no way I will go back! I just love the way she “force” us to dance, to feel the song, and to move sensually! And yet, she is a gymnast 🙂
I could go on and on, but the point is I think pole dancing is NOT all about the tricks! Without sexy and sensual dancing is just plain exercise!
Glad you’re back! :))
Yannori
Maria – I’m glad to be back as well and I have a lot of catching up to do. But it’s wonderful to feel free to dance again, the way I want to. And I’m so happy you found a way to dance the way you want to as well. I have always preferred the small class (both as a teacher and as a student) especially when it creates a safe environment where I can truly express my sensual side. Dance on!
whitney
You’re not alone! My pole studio Aradia fitness is all about meeting your sexy side! So many of us feel empowered and beautiful leaving class, I’ve been going since Oct and can’t stop, I need It! It’s Sooooo so important to be in touch with your inner “tigress” I call. It, we feel strong, fierce, and SEXY! I hold myself better, take care of myself, take time for me, getting into pole dance has changed my life. I’ve never felt so confident and in control. Keep it up ladies!!
Yannori
I love it Miss Tigress! It’s so important to hold those powerful thoughts in our minds when we dance; Sexy, Beautiful, Strong, Fierce (yeah baby!). I believe that every woman has these things buried inside her, just waiting to come out… I love to hear about them bubbling up through dance. 🙂
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Trixie
THANK YOU!! Your candor and honesty are refreshing! As a dancer and instructor, I have always touted the empowerment the pole dancing/exotic dancing/stripping has given to me, and is a gift I hope to pass on to others in my charge. I will NOT sign the petition for pole in the Olympics for every single reason you noted in your post. This has created some animosity between myself and other instructors, but I have been fortunate enough that I am surrounded by amazing and professional women who respect our rights to differing opinions. I know many aren’t so lucky. I tell others that I’m a “fundamentalist” when it comes to pole ideology, and that as a former stripper I DO remember where I came from. I embrace it and cherish it for the strength it gives me to help be a pioneer in this industry. So again, thank you for speaking for those of us who agree, as we are right here to support you!
Yannori
Trixie – Pole “Fundamentalist” I love that description, because it really points out the rich and beautiful history of pole dancing all the way down to our stripping and circus roots.
I am starting to see that there really are other woman (students and instructors) that need and love the sensuality of dance just as I do. Thank you!
donam
I just want to say that erotic dance (sans pole at the moment) is something I discovered a few years back and truly cherish and enjoy.
I don’t think I will ever stop doing it. It is the sexual ,erotic aspect of it that first drew me in . Take that away and really what’s the point. Just my 2 cents. d.m.
Yannori
DM – that’s awesome. I regularly explore the sensual dance aspects without pole as well. Sometimes the body just calls for pure raw movement!
Tiara the Merch Girl
I don’t pole, but I’ve been feeling similar about burlesque in that it’s not what I was going in for anymore. Not so much “oh it’s not sensual” etc – just that it felt so prescribed, like you had to follow a certain look or style and if you don’t agree with the big guns you’re not welcome. I didn’t felt welcome anymore and didn’t feel that I had space for me so I’ve drifted off.
I’d love to hear more about sensuality in all sorts of forms, not just pole. It’s why I follow you and there aren’t that many resources out there!
Yannori
Tiara – As I moved away from pole, I explored burlesque and bellydancing as well and I found the same problems you did. Sensual living is so important to me and this is exactly where I want to focus this blog. Thank you for letting me know that there are other woman that want to learn and share this knowledge. 🙂
Elizabeth Kings
Girl, I know how you feel. I love the athletic side of pole. I love the challenge it presents. But there’s NO WAY I would give up the sexuality of it. I love the grinding, hip-circling, booty-popping sensuality and freedom to be as dirty as I wanna be. My studio is awesome – the instructors there teach us the dirty stuff; I didn’t even know what a booty clap WAS, nevermind how to do it before I started going to pole class. And I love it. I love the combination of precise strength and feminine sexuality. You are not alone. 🙂
A forum I’m on has one of the women who’s pushing the addition of vertical bar gymnastics in the olympics. She, too, is a fan of sexy pole dancing, and teaches in her own studio. But the way she explains it is they’re not trying to obliterate pole dancing to encourage a new, sterilized form to make it acceptable for the masses. They’re simply concentrating on the athletic, sport side of pole. To them, this is a completely separate animal from pole dancing as we know it. Its roots are pole dancing, but it will be simply be another gymnastic sport – balance beam, uneven parallel bars, vertical bar/pole.
Never fear. Stripping is still around. Burlesque is still around. Pole dancing has exploded in the last few years, spawning numerous studios across the nation. Why? Because women EVERYWHERE are embracing that sexual side of themselves. After decades of the fighting the sexual revolution for equal rights, we’re rediscovering what it is to be purely feminine: strong and sexy as only a woman can be, and pole is one of the ways we express this.
Girl, you are NOT alone.
Yannori
Elizabeth – I love that you can find joy in both sides of pole. For me, without the sensual dance, there’s just not much point. I wrote a couple of posts about the Pol’lympics if you want to read my views and some of the views around the pole community. But I’m glad to have your voice in here. I just worry that too many studios have given up on the dirty, raw, sensual side. And that, to me, it just wrong.
But I’m going to fight for that sensual dance, because, if I have anything to say about things, the booty popping is here to stay! Thank you for loving it too. 🙂
Audra
I am so glad you’re posting again. You have no idea how much your blog has inspired me. When I first found it, I went back to the very beginning and spent three days reading every post (The latest post when I found it was on pole in the Olympics). I’ve just started down the road of assistant instructing at the studio I go to with the goal of eventually being a full instructor myself for the simple reason that our pole classes are pretty much only tricks (though they do teach pre-choreographed routines in the early levels). And I know there are other students there that would love to take a class on how to choreograph, or dance spontaneously, how to move gracefully, sensually, and how to really put themselves into their dancing, how to really move with the music. I know I would love a class like that, and it’s not being offered yet. And since I have tons of ideas for how to structure and teach that sort of lesson, and love reading and trying out everything I find on the subject, maybe it’s time I shared with other people what I’ve been learning and practicing myself.
So thank you, again, for inspiring me, for loving the dance side of pole, and know that you are definitely not alone.
And also, as a side note, I love the challenge of learning new tricks, but it’s the sensual aspect of it that speaks to me, heart, body and soul.
Yannori
Congrats on your teacher training Audra! It’s really wonderful for me to hear that new pole instructors want to teach the sensual dance aspect just as much as the pole tricks. I’m sure you have lots of wonderful ideas to help your student explore their authentic sensual movement. I look forward to hearing about your journey. 🙂
Thank you so much for sticking with me and my blog.
Rachel
I cannot express how much of an impact your blog has made on me. About 2 years ago I studied abroad and learned salsa dancing. I learned how to get in touch with…well me. My sensuality, my self. When i moved back to the States I couldn’t find anyone who shared my love of the sensual dance of salsa, but I knew I needed an outlet. That’s when I found pole dancing; and, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without it. It is so difficult to keep in touch with my sensual nature but when I do I feel, AMAZING, POWERFUL, AND BEAUTIFUL; and my life makes more sense. I do not pole dance for the exercise of my body, I do it for my soul. I do it so that I can see my body as my own; so that I can practice loving it instead of loathing it like I do in a gym. That’s why your blog is important to me: it helps to remind me to not give up the constant yearning for my life that is my sensuality. (cheesy, I know). So, anyway, thanks for coming back and sharing your writing with us.
Yannori
It is my pleasure to share this journey with you and other woman like you Rachel. I believe it is absolutely essential for our souls to experience the intuitive sensual movement that this art form explores.
The more we accept the truly beautiful, awesome, and powerful woman that is already inside us, the more amazing our life becomes. And you’ve already found her!
Roxi
You are not alone! Some pole studios do exist that keep the sensual in our classes while keeping safety and proper physical form at the top of our priority list too. Love your blog. Keep writing! Those who embrace the sensual cannot give up.
Yannori
It’s so awesome to hear from more and more pole instructors and studio owners like you Roxi. I feel so excited to know that woman really are still teaching, loving, and celebrating their authentic sensual nature. I love the layout of your site and how you own your pole journey from past to present.
Plus, I absolutely had to sign the petition to get Gypsy Rose Lee on a stamp. Now there’s a campaign I can seriously shake my knockers at. 🙂
SatoriSENSUALFitness
You are SOOOO not alone! That’s all I teach! Women long to have the “permission” to be sensual…. I stand beside you on the quest to speak the difference between pole “trickster” and pole “dancer”…… I love that there are many different studios where I live that teach WAY different styles…. I prefer to keep it small and intimate, and thrust sensuality back into it….. where is deserves to remain!! I love that people have a choice…..Besides, you can’t tell a sensual woman to not feel her body and the way it moves….she has too much fire:)!
LOVE your blogs!!
Yannori
I think you’ve hit upon one of the most important lessons I share during sensual dance. It’s the aspect of “permission” and giving ourselves both the space and the freedom to share the true woman inside. I understand the enjoyment of pole fitness and tricking, but I find that most woman are drawn to pole to express their sensual self.
Jaime
I found your website yesterday and am reading each post in awe. I’ve not taken any pole lessons yet. I am looking for a studio near me. I am enthralled with the sensual and sexual aspect of pole and the self awareness, confidence and pleasure it brings. Please keep posting! Fitness is only an added bonus!
Yannori
Thank you Jaime! Please let me know if you have any questions or bit of advice you’d like answered on my blog.
You have such a wonderful explorations of movement and sensuality ahead of you. I certainly hope you love it as much as I have!
Kelly Maria Clark
I am SOOOOO glad to see you back! Yours is my favorite pole dancing site and I really missed reading your posts.
I feel the exact same way. I let my dancing slide by the wayside too, mostly because of the bad taste left in my mouth form the “pole fitness” craze.
Like you pointed out, there is a place for vertical fitness in the world too. Yet I feel like so much pole dancing is getting robbed of what makes it so beautiful and special to me.
When I tell people what I do, I feel like they are often justifying it or like you said – ‘cleaning it up’. Many people say something like, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just fitness.” BLECH!!!
I was feeling alone in the world too. So glad to have you back so those of us who can appreciate our sensual side can support each other!
Kelly
Yannori
Kelly, I’m so glad to have you as a pole blogging sister! and thank you so much for your encouraging words.
I truly believe that the more we reach out to our community of woman (pole dancers or not) and talk about sensuality, the more courage, love, and compassion we will create for ourselves and the world around us.
I strive to create an environment in my classes and in my life where we can sharing this movement in a way that allows woman to express their sensuality without judgment or fear. I am glad to hear that so many pole DANCING teachers share this same goal with me.
Thank you!
Amanda
I CRAVE dancing sexy, sometimes when I’m in class I’m daydream about it. The studio I go to has an “open gym” and I try to go with my knee high socks and only dance sexy. Not very many girls are focused on that aspect of it (well, when I think about it, none of them are, but that’s a HUGE reason why I started pole dancing. I got sucked into the tricks and conquering the next one, but I’m in love with the dance part of it. Thank you so much for your beautiful writing 🙂
Yannori
Hi Amanda!
Yes, sometimes it can be difficult to focus on dancing when you’re in an “open gym” session. Perhaps you can ask the instructor to have a free dance time in the last 15 minutes, where the students pick a song and everybody dances their heart out. I always love adding that to my “open pole” classes. 🙂
Major kudos to you for keeping the dance and the pole tricks alive in yourself! xoxo