Don’t Apologize for Pole Dancing
I don’t apologize for pole dancing. I don’t apologize for drinking green tea or choosing to eat sushi instead of a hamburger. I don’t apologize for enjoying R rated movies or doing the splits at the gym. I definitely don’t apologize for enjoying sex as often as I feel like it either. So if the world thinks I’m going to apologize for dancing around my living room with a shiny metal pole while wearing a bikini top and an itty bitty teeny tiny skirt…. Then the world should think again.
I’m not stopping. Not tonight, not next year, not next month or ever. In fact, I’ve made it my personal mission to use pole and exotic dancing to teach other woman how phenomenally beautiful and SEXY they already are. But the truth is that pole dancing is just the medium. Every person is amazing before I teach them a single twirl…before they take their first spin around the pole…before their hips ever move in the smallest of circles.
Every woman has an inherent sensual power. She carries it with her everywhere. Ready to be unleashed in the kitchen, the boardroom or the bedroom. It’s her choice.
What pisses me off, is that sometimes we as woman forget we’ve got it. The cookie. The thing that makes our lovers stand up and beg for buttermilk. I’m not sure when or where we stopped feeling that sensual animal inside, but I do know that if you don’t feel it, you’ve got to find it. You’ve got to get the animal back. She’s the source of your power and she’s sitting in the shadows asking what in the hell you’re waiting for…..
I can’t tell you exactly where she is, but I can tell you where she isn’t. She isn’t at the top of the corporate ladder pretending to be a man at the head of the table. I don’t mean you shouldn’t KICK-ASS at work. And I definitely don’t mean you shouldn’t lead. You should KICK-ASS at work, you can KICK-ASS at work, and you probably do KICK-ASS at work. But not by trying to be “as good as a man.” You already are an amazing woman, so why bother trying to be “a man.” I may never meet you and yet, I know this as ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
Have you ever noticed how exhausted you get trying to “beat men at their own game.” Yes, I know you can do it, but personally, I’ve found that playing the game like a man wears me down faster than the other guys. They wake up at 6am ready to go (or is that just morning wood?) and I get more and more tired.
The problem isn’t that we are too weak, or too feminine, or too fragile because we are women. The problem is that it’s just not our damn game. That game is meant to be played with a penis and, I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have one of those, nor do I want one. So, tomorrow, when you wake up, instead of getting ready to play their game one more fucking time, make the decision to change the rules.
Listen to your instincts, listen to your heart, and stop asking permission to be sexy. Wear skirts if you’ve got great legs. Wear pants if you’ve got a great butt. Sway your hips ever so slightly when you walk. Smile with the knowledge that you’ve got something the men around you don’t have, can’t have, and want BADLY. Don’t apologize for loving the way you love, for caring the way you care, or for having hips, tits and an ass. Because I guarantee the men around you won’t ever apologize for having a penis.
Practice walking the halls at work (or the grocery store), turning your sensual power on and off, on and off. Notice how people will start to watch you, open the door for you, give up their seat at the conference table for you. I’m not telling you to flirt shamelessly (unless that’s what YOUR sensual animal wants). I’m telling you to let the power of being a woman flow through you.
Remember, your body is made for creation– a beautiful expression of the living breathing world around you. The moment you accept that power and the responsibility that goes with it, you will feel that sensual ebb and flow…. You will BE that sensual ebb and flow. And the people around you, both men and woman, will respond. They will respect you more for being a woman who enjoys being a woman. Men will feel more alive and be more authentic with you. Other woman will be more connected to you. It won’t be an instant utopia, but it will be a deeper alignment between you and the life you want to live.
So whatever you do, don’t apologize for being soft, for being sensual, for sometimes needing to cry for no reason at all. Don’t apologize for having an opinion or doing something different than everybody else. Don’t apologize for playing like a woman, for starting up a new game, with new rules…. Especially if you are winning!
And don’t EVER apologize for pole dancing.
Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!
21 Comments
Jennifer
God, I love your posts, Yannori! This is your best quote yet: “Don’t apologize for loving the way you love, for caring the way you care, or for having hips, tits and an ass. Because I guarantee the men around you won’t ever apologize for having a penis.”
Rock on!
Yannori
@Jennifer – Thanks so much! I’m really glad that I can help and inspire others through my passions (writing & pole dancing) because that phone sex job just wasn’t going to work out. LOL
Ruthann
I continue to be humbled by your courage and strengthened by your insight…you are becoming that little sobering and sensuous “voice of reason” we all need so badly!
I apologized for YEARS simply “because” and once again,that damn pole is also a battering-ram in so many ways and helped to break down all those old walls!
Always your fan Babe!
Yannori
@Ruthann – And I’ll always be your FAN too! With your sumptuous red hair and a spirit that just can’t be denied. Your encouragement truly means a lot to me. xoxo
Ambrosia
Love it! Thank you for saying this. I commented and elaborated on it in my blog.
http://bareskinnedbailarina.blogspot.com/2009/06/dont-apologize-for-pole-dancing.html
Nymphadora
I LOVE this. Just what I needed to read right now too, its been one of those weeks.
Yannori
@Ambrosia – Awesome! Thank you for sharing my blog with others 🙂
@Nymphadora – I’m so glad it hit the spot
Pole ON Ladies!
svarri
Amazing! It’s sad that it something we have to learn to not be ashamed of being female and enjoying sensuality.
Yannori
@svarri – I believe that in many ways we are taught to let go of our sensual power. But I believe there are a lot of ways to get it back! And it is absolutely Worth It!
ivy
I have to tell you that i start to cry while i read it, not bacuse I was said… it is bacuse you tell the trut in the most simpliest way, i dont even know how to explain, but you relly tuch me! Thank you sooooooo much!
Yannori
@ivy – Thank you for your comment! I feel that sometimes raw emotions are the best way for me to express how I feel… about being a pole dancer and about being a sensual woman. I’m so glad that this post expressed that emotion to you.
Diane Whiddon
I just found this post and I’m so glad I did. Beautiful, Yannori. It’s been too long since I’ve relished being a woman. Thank you for the reminder.
Yannori
@Diane – My pleasure. Every sensual moment in life is worth relishing. 🙂
Roxanne
Love the article. Very inspiring. Thank you.
Mackenzie
I just recently started pole dancing, and stumbled across your site today. Thank you for this article and for giving me a stiletto kick in the butt to not get down on myself or change myself. After yet another guy screwing me over (and not in the good way) I asked a male friend why men always seem to love fucking me and hanging out with me but never want to date me. He told me that I’m the kind of girl that guys love to fuck and tell all their friends about but I’m not the kind of girl that they date seriously or marry. Oh really? Well it sucks for them. Because…. I will not apologize for being a nympho, I will not apologize for having giant boobies and a big ass…. ass! I will also not apologize for owning a pole, and loving workin’ the pole. Any guy that can’t LOVE that and realize how lucky he is…. can eff off! So thank you!
Yannori
Awesome! I love it when a woman rediscovers her cookie. Enjoy the sensual world and thanks for subscribing to my blog 🙂
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Holly
I love this article and I love how you empower women with your blog. I just wrote a post in my own blog about a similar topic (http://thepoleplace.wordpress.com/2011/06/07/telling-people-you-pole-dance-or-not/), and I included a link to this post. Keep it up!
Yannori
Holly – great post! Thanks for linking to me and I look forward to many discussions on sharing our love of pole with the world. xoxo
Ching
Great post there ! I just had my first pole-dancing class and intend to go for more 😀
Jessica
I am in my last year of an undergraduate physics degree and very much appreciate reading your thoughts as a dancer, woman, and a physicist! I’ve always known I should strive to be the best woman I can be as opposed to being as good as the 85% of the men in all my classes but it wasn’t until reading this post that I really realized I wasn’t at all doing that. I have, up to now, defined myself solely by how I can be accepted and respected by my fellow male classmates, and it certainly hasn’t helped me grow into all I can be in any way. You’re words are inspiring and enlightening and I thank you for sharing your thoughts!